June 9, 2016
About the author : Project manager by day, crazy cat lady by night. Emily's first love is J.R.R. Tolkien. She's also into Walking Dead, video games, Doctor Who, and anime. When she isn't knee-deep in her latest fandom, she's usually sleeping.
Billy the Kid vs. Dracula. Yes, this is a real movie. Yes, I have watched it.
In this film, Billy the Kid has put aside his lawless ways and is engaged to a nice girl, Betty, who runs her family’s ranch. Betty’s mother and uncle (who Betty has conveniently never met) are coming to live with Betty. Dracula just happens to be on the stagecoach with Betty’s mother and uncle and Betty’s mother just happens to talk incessantly about the circumstances surrounding her daughter. Due to circumstances that are too convoluted to describe, everyone else on the stagecoach is killed, which gives Dracula the opportunity to pretend to be Betty’s uncle in order to take her for his bride.
Thankfully for Betty, Billy is keeping a sharp eye out. With help from some immigrants, whose daughter Dracula killed, and the old lady doctor of the town (whose German isn’t very good, but good enough for her to become the most learned person about vampires in a small town in the Old West), Billy is able to defeat Dracula and save his beloved.
It’s safe to say that if you’re watching a film called Billy the Kid vs. Dracula, you probably aren’t too concerned with the plot. If you are, I’m sorry.
This movie has all of the tropes you would expect: A dumb blond female (who still manages to have more character than Bella Swan), a pointless rivalry between the hero and random townsfolk, the same lamp in every scene, etc. But there are certainly a few elements that make Billy the Kid vs. Dracula stand out.
Literally. I’m pretty sure is was actually a sound bite from a dog.
Because every scene was either filmed during the day or indoors. It’s clearly broad daylight and character comment on how dark it is. It’s amazing how creative you have to be when you’re on a tight budget.
As Betty’s mom is prattling on, her brother says, “Maryann, you really should rest. Your heart, you know.” How convenient, her heart condition prevents her from talking too much.
Billy says he needs to get Dracula in front of a mirror to see if his reflection appears. “Oh, the vampire test!” breathes Eva, the immigrant who is the only person who is positive Betty is going to die.
After a pointless gunfight in town, Billy explains to the sheriff, “He tried to run me out of town. One thing led to another and I shot him.”
It’s the most horrifying thing I’ve ever seen on a human face
How to defeat Dracula? Empty two six-shooters into him and discover that he can’t be shot. Then throw your gun at his face to knock him out. Then drive a scalpel through his heart. Not even kidding.
If you enjoy B-movies, this one is definitely worth at least one viewing. You can watch it for free if you have an Amazon Prime membership (and I think you can rent it for a dollar or two if you don’t have Prime).